Last that I told you all is that I was helping a lady with her child. I told her that I would help her since she did not have money. It is not always easy knowing if someone is telling the truth about their situation, but sometimes you just know. She is small framed, clothes a little tattered, and only ate mangoes for two days, all these things showed me she was in need. She came to our compound looking for someone to help her child since her baby was so small for her age. She did not spend the night in the hospital that night, because her other child was at home alone. I was praying for her and her children all night hoping that she would come back the next day, because her baby was knocking on deaths door. I was very relieved when I heard that the lady came back the next day. She promised us that she would listen to all we told her to do to help her baby, which was the stipulation for me helping her. I wanted her to see that it was very important that we work together, because that was the only way that baby could be truly helped.
She came to the hospital carrying one large bundle on her head, which contained dishes for cooking and a couple mangoes. She wore the same clothes and green flower patterned cloth that she had worn the day before. She brought her son with her this time, which is probably only 2 years old. He has a moon shaped face, large protruding belly and seemed to be weak <-- All of these things declared that he was malnourished as well. My heart broke when I saw him barely walking to his mother with only a little strength. I wondered how that young child was able to stay home all alone the day before. The nurses gave the mother and child a bed in the hospital and hooked the baby up to glucose IV's.
Throughout the day I would check up on the baby and mother to see that all things were well. We do not speak the same language, but we both had an interest in the babies’ life and that's all that mattered. All that the lady had were her children, cloths on her back, dishes and some mangoes. I made sure that her and her child got some nutritious food, because it was not only the baby that needed help. I felt like I was finally helping someone who was in need. I have always had a desire to help those in need and this mom fit the bill completely. Almost everyone began to know of the lady and the child I was helping, because I would visit her so regularly. I was beginning to feel like the babies mother as well.. I even started to call her my baby when I spoke of her to other people. I felt more connected to her since my name means the babies name, Grace. I have heard that some women here wait a while before getting attached to their child, because they know that their child may die early..I was already getting attached and it had only been two days..
That day I was hopeful for her and her baby, because they were in a place where the baby had a chance at life. That night I was headed back to my place without a care in the world, then I got a knock on my door. That knock would change my whole night. Papa, one of the local kids, came to tell me that the woman was looking for me... because her baby died. My heart sunk down to the ground with a great thud, at the same time I was trying to hold back the tears trying to flood out. My mind flashed back to only an hour earlier. I was in the student missionary hut and I heard women whaling in the hospital. Automatically I got scared that my baby had died. Zach looked over to pediatrics, but did not see the women I was helping whaling with the other women. The weird thing is that someone kept on whaling for longer than usual..but now I understood that it was more than one person. That night three babies died in ped's within the same hour. Now flashing back to the present moment.. I got dressed and walked slowly over to the hospital, but inside I did not want to go.
We turned the corner of the pediatrics building, I looked through those outside sleeping peacefully for someone who looked familiar. The nurse on duty saw me then immediately ushered me over to the mother. She was sitting on the side of the bed with her face facing down towards her baby that was covered by her tattered cloth. How do you console a mother who just lost their child?? I walked over slowly and sat on the bed across from her. I reached out for her hand and grasped them tightly. Here it is custom that one holds the hands of the other person that is grieving for a little while, which symbolizes to me that you are giving condolences. As I held onto her hands she began to cry while murmuring things under her breath, this made me begin to cry. The tears could not seem to stop streaming down my face, because I had lost the baby I was fighting so hard to save. I kept looking at the cloth that was swaddling the lifeless baby. My heart broke as I thought of the pain that this mom must be feeling at this time, she has nothing and she lost one more thing. I did not want to let go of her hands, because I felt like I would be letting go of the baby as well. My heart had never felt so heavy as then..I felt like I lost my own child..After a while I gave her my condolences, told her that she must know she has to continue living for her other child and that she is a good mother. I wanted her to know that she did all that she knew to do and she must keep hope alive. We all sat their in silence for a long time while she repeatedly cried and reached out to touch her baby. Her son was lying on the bed sleeping not even knowing what was going on. He kept on accidentally kicking the baby, thus the mother would move his feet away fast, as though she was protecting her baby still. After what seemed like hours some of her family showed up and helped her to pack up the few things that she had with her. Her brother held the dead baby Grace in his arms, while everyone did everything else. We walked them out to the hospital gate and said our goodbyes.
I went back to my little space that I call home. As soon as I shut the door and let the tears come flooding down my face. I cried, cried, moaned, and cried some more. My heart was breaking into a million pieces at that moment. My heart broke from losing a baby that I started to think of as my own. I would have loved to see her grow up and go off to school one day, but now that would not happen. I truly understood at that moment how precious life is and how easily it can leave. In the midst of all of the pain I cried out to God "what do you want me to learn from this??!!" At that moment I became more determined to tell mothers about exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months, helping single mothers, and kids. After talking to my mother I finally went to sleep, but still with a heavy load hovering over my heart.
The next day was not much easier for me. I had to try to keep the tears from coming. When I saw Naomi I just could not contain them anymore. She told me that she knows that if she had lived that she would have been my little girl..that shattered my heart again because it was true. Even though Grace did not make it, she will be forever in my heart. Such a small baby can make a huge impact on ones life. I don't know what God wants for me to do next in my life, but I feel these small things show us our direction. I will try and find the women and see if I can continue to help her and her other child. Her other child needs special attention as well, since he is malnourished as well. She needs help because she does not seem to have much of anything, since her husband left her when she was two months pregnant. I am determined that I won't forget about this lady since her child is gone, but try to give her a ray of hope and show her God's love. The ways that I want to help them are making sure that they are seen by a doctor, so that they can get the medical help that they need. Also provide them with some food, so that they can make it till she can get money for more food. I want to help her start a business of her choice, to ensure that money is still coming in. These are the things that I have thought of thus far, but till then I will have to find where she lives.
This post is dedicated to all of the mothers that have ever lost a child. I do not truly understand the pain that you all feel, but I know that it must be great. This post goes out to all of the little Grace's out there who did not quite make it, but fought as best as they could. This post is also dedicated to those out there helping people in this situation, may you continue the great work that you are doing in people's lives.
RIP Baby Grace 5/29/2014
~ Love with all of your heart ~
