Am I Jonah??

      As I get older, I notice that time seems to go by faster and faster. There are even times when I have to rethink how old I am. Where has all of the time gone? I now understand why people say appreciate every day, because it flies by quicker than you can imagine. As I think about time, I think of where I was last year. Last year I was deciding where I would be going to serve for a year. I was given the opportunity to get one of three spots for the Global Service Award through Loma Linda University. I was overjoyed, but anxious at the same time. I said that I wanted to go wherever God wanted me to go, but my heart wasn't on the same page. As usual, I had different plans than what God had for me. I saw myself living in a tropical like area serving people with some ease...God had a COMPLETELY different view. God kept on bringing people or things in my life that were connected with Chad. I was thinking it was a test of my faith, but surellly He wouldn't send me there. After much fighting and avoiding I could no longer run from God. It just hit me, I am a modern day Jonah. So many times we bash Jonah for running from God, who is everywhere. How could Jonah not do what God said? How could Jonah think he wouldn't be found? These are the questions that we raise...Well I am no better than Jonah. I didn't jump on a boat and then have to jump into a belly of a whale, but that might as well had been the scenario. 

      The time that I jumped out of the boat into the whale's belly was on a Friday night. I was in my apartment trying to star glaze past bright Loma Linda street lights, while listening to the music play in the background. I thought of what it would be like to fly through the heavens, just me and God. It was a beautiful moment, that brought tears to my eyes. I opened my eyes, looked up towards the stars and had a moment with God. I declared " I give up! I won't run anymore!" I decided than, that I was waving my white flag of surrendering totally to God. I was not going to run away from Him, but straight into His arms. I gave my life back over to Him, that meant I released to Him my plans, hopes, dreams, fears, life, and gifts. I read that night an insert that I wrote earlier in my God journal. I wrote about my mission trip to Honduras and said "may my mission be your mission." I realized then that our missions were not aligned. I was heading on a ship in the opposite direction of where God wanted me to go. After many other events I pressed for the people to send me to Chad. I was hit with opposition, but I was determined to go there, because that was where He wanted me to go. There were doors that seemed shut, but God opened every last one and blessed me over and over. 

     Then the day of reality had to come. I was leaving comfortable America to live in a foreign country for one year. This meant letting go of all that I knew and totally depending on God. I was stepping into an unknown place. September 12th I boarded the last plane that would bring me to Africa. That was the day that God spit me out of the whale onto dry land. As I sat on the plane I said to myself "well there is no turing back now." I wasn't heading to a city to tell them to turn from their wicked ways like Jonah did, but I was going to face the same things in another way. I did understand why God choose little 'ol me to go, but I had to trust He knew what He was doing.

  On the way to Ethiopia

    I told you in my last post that this past September marked my one year service in Chad. Did I regret going? Did I wish I took a different path? Did I want to go back home then? ...No. I was in the place that God wanted me to be and it was just right. No, thinks were not perfect. No, I wasn't on easy street. No, I did not ever think of going home. Being in the right place doesn't mean that it is all daises, it just means that there is no better place to be going through those good and bad times. Every day that was a hard day, I could only say to God that I knew that He wanted me there for whatever reason. I came home briefly in April to visit family and friends. During that time it felt good to be back in the states, because I missed being connected to those I love. What lingered at the back of my mind was if I was done with Chad or not. When I returned back to Chad I talked to a couple that work at another hospital. The wife asked me three simple questions, which made me discover my next step. When I finally opened up fully to hear God's plan for me, He informed me that He told me before through her questions. I felt weird for wanting to stay in a place that doesn't have a easy way of life, but much harder than other places. I could move back to the States and be able to see and talk with family, eat variety of fruits, veggies and cheese, drive a car, not worry about diseases, not hear death cries.....but I wanted to be where God wanted me to be. I have come to learn that the best place to be is where God wants me to be. After much conviction, I decided to extend my contract till May of 2015. 

    I sit at home right now, in slightly sunny Florida. I am on a short month break from work to rejuvenate and fatten up. It is good to be back with loved ones and have good ol' home cooking. As I type I can't believe that it has been a year and 3 months since I stepped onto that plane that would change my life. It was just a few months ago when I was telling you these same things..I thought last year that this time would not come quick enough...haha was I ever wrong. The time has flown by quicker than I could ever imagine. I have till May, but I already know my time will fly by faster than ever.

 

 My Chadian family

 Just joking around

    Back to my Jonah experience.....After Jonah spoke God's word to the people, it was up to them to accept it and change from their ways. The whole place was transformed and gave their lives over to God. I do not have the same exact mission as Jonah, but I do have a mission. I hope that my words on health can help people to see how simple changes can save their lives and children's. I hope that people are able to see God's love and care through interacting with me or just seeing how I treat others. I hope that people are changed physically, mentally, and spiritually, because of the words that God places on my lips. I hope that my time in Chad is not a waste, but rather it reaches God's plans for my time there. Please keep my mission and journey in your prayers. If you are standing in a position right now where you are deciding what to do in life, please do not run like Jonah, but let Him call the shots. Letting Him call the shots has been the best decision in my life. God will call us to places that others would not dare to go to, but that's why He calls the special ones. He calls the ones that will do the work that He has for them. I live by this saying and found it to be true, "God does not call the equipped, but equips the called." What is God calling you to do? What is He calling you to surrender? Open your heart to what plans He has for your life...He will take care of the minor details. 

~Let go of fear and control. Take a hold of God's hand, wherever it may lead you.~

There is a time for everything

Lately I have been looking at the calendar a lot. I count the months, then the days... as Naomi says " time waits for no-one." I left in April for a small vacation...that was four months ago. On September 12th I arrived in N'djamena, that was almost a year ago. Before I came here, honestly I was afraid. I was afraid of time. Tick tock tick tock. I thought time was going to go by so slow and I wouldn't know what to do with it. I was afraid that I would not like it here, therefore I would be counting down the months and days till my departure. It's almost a year from when I landed and I feels like less than that.
      Since coming here I got really into my job. I am always learning and there is always something new.We always have to think of the future, so there isn't much time to waste. My job is flexible, unique, and open to many directions, so things are always shifting. There are always new places to see or time to revisit places. We started to do lectures out in the nearby villages. They are much smaller than were I live and face more health issues. This has given us another view of living not as close to the hospital and having limited education. We went to N'Djamena last month for a small vacation. After being here in a small village, the capital looked big and full of life. I could tell the difference from the people here, village, and big city. You also the differences in what people value, have, and characteristics. These places help open my eyes, rather then keeping my sight small with my own ideas.
   There is always time to meet someone new. Here each day I meet someone new that I pass on the road or spend time talking with. You will always meet someone who will make you want to smile or shed a tear. There are always kids that grin ear to ear, while extending their hand to say "lapia" , which means hello in the local language. Some little ones stare in amazement, while others run away in total fear like your going to kill them. Then you meet those mother's that walked for 23 kilometers to seek help for their malnourished or dying child. You see how much they will do for their kids.
  There are always times to learn something new. I live in a region where people speak French, Nangerie, or local Arabic. This means that there are a mixture of new words to learn always. On top of this you learn a lot from the people about their customs. Here, after a woman has a baby you are to make her bouille, which is rice porridge. You also bring them a bar soap. Another thing I have learned from working with the women, is that there are many who believe the first breast milk (colostrum) is bad for the baby. They think it's bad because of the yellowish tint. Therefore they express it all out and give the hind milk only. One thing I tell the moms is that it's actually the best thing for the baby to have, they should think of it as gold for the baby.
   There is a time to cry and a time to laugh. A few weeks ago I found out two babies that were in the baby milk program died. One of the babies grandmother and I became like friends. Whenever we would see one another we would greet with a lot of Lapeias, hellos, to one another. She would make some joke and we would laugh. The mother of the baby died so she was all he had. She told us one time that she fell into the fire while trying to cook for him. She is probably in her 60's or 70's. She walks with a slight arch to her back, uses a stick for walking, and straps him on her back by tying a cloth around her. The week before he died she came to visit just to say hi to us all. The boy had the same demeanor of being scared of everyone, but this time he could walk away. One can see why my heart was not happy after hearing about his death. Laughter for us comes daily from dancing with the kids, tickling a random kid on the street, or laughing at someone's jokes.
There is also a time for life. Tonight I was able to witness the birth of Tchoeka and Valerie's baby boy. I rushed to the hospital when Naomi told me he was ready to come out. In less than an hour the baby was coming out screaming with his strong lungs. To see a life that was developing inside of a woman is so precious and a miracle.
  Throughout my time here so far I have learned time passes fast, but you have to seize the moments and learn all you can. My journey here continues with a new adventure daily. I am almost to my year mark with no regrets of hoping on the plane to come here. I only regret not doing more things. While the clock continues to tick, I will continue to enjoy the time I have left....

~ Time will never wait for you, so enjoy each moment rather than living with regrets time wasted ~

Breaking Out

  There are many days were things go as normal here, especially on sabbath. We go to church, experience another level of hot, have potluck, then sit around talking. But a couple of Sabbaths ago was a little different. There is a new family that moved here from North Carolina the Wednesday before. The husband had been here twice, but not the rest of the family. Thus everything was new, interesting, and yet scary for them. Dr. Deane wanted to make this first weekend enjoyable for them, so she organized a treasure hunt. We were split into three groups, which represented people from here, Bendelay, and Mondou. The challenge was to take pictures of the items on the list and be in the photo as well. We were given an hour to complete it and the one who accomplished the most won. The teams went scurrying off of the compound.
 
The challenge got us all out there in the real world past the compounds walls. It got us out there were people live and interact daily. We looked like a bunch of crazy foreigners taking pictures of things that were apart of their everyday life. Everyone was looking at us side eyed, but we didn't care. In order to win all shyness had to be thrown out the window. Some of the things that were had to do were: take a photo with a baby goat, old man, carrying child on back, kids doing head stand, and people dancing.

What I enjoyed about it was the silliness of it all, which united us. We were running after animals, asking someone to write Arabic, and trying to get a group of scarred kids to do head stands. We were just having fun. Even though it was a simple game, it got me thinking about some things. I think this game was good for those who hardly leave the walls of the compound. It's easy for us to stay in our safe bubbles away from others, while still being among them. It's easy to get busy living our own lives, while passing others along the way. It's easy to forget about the bigger picture in life, which includes other people. We have to take those challenges in life that make us step out on a limb and do something different. We have to get out of our bubbles and see those around us crying for help or who just want a hug. We have to befriend the friendless, orphans, and elderly. There are many times when I would rather stay complacent and be in my corner, but when I step out of it I can see a world that's bigger than my corner. It makes me realize that the world isn't as scary as I thought. Also life isn't all about me, but meeting the needs of others. As I spend the rest of my time here, I will have to make this a challenge for me. We weren't made to live on an island alone, so get out there with everyone in the real world.

~ Break your bubble in order to reach people where they are ~

Grace - "a divinely given blessing"

     Last that I told you all is that I was helping a lady with her child. I told her that I would help her since she did not have money. It is not always easy knowing if someone is telling the truth about their situation, but sometimes you just know. She is small framed, clothes a little tattered, and only ate mangoes for two days, all these things showed me she was in need. She came to our compound looking for someone to help her child since her baby was so small for her age. She did not spend the night in the hospital that night, because her other child was at home alone. I was praying for her and her children all night hoping that she would come back the next day, because her baby was knocking on deaths door. I was very relieved when I heard that the lady came back the next day. She promised us that she would listen to all we told her to do to help her baby, which was the stipulation for me helping her. I wanted her to see that it was very important that we work together, because that was the only way that baby could be truly helped.
       She came to the hospital carrying one large bundle on her head, which contained dishes for cooking and a couple mangoes. She wore the same clothes and green flower patterned cloth that she had worn the day before. She brought her son with her this time, which is probably only 2 years old. He has a moon shaped face, large protruding belly and seemed to be weak <-- All of these things declared that he was malnourished as well. My heart broke when I saw him barely walking to his mother with only a little strength. I wondered how that young child was able to stay home all alone the day before. The nurses gave the mother and child a bed in the hospital and hooked the baby up to glucose IV's. 
     Throughout the day I would check up on the baby and mother to see that all things were well. We do not speak the same language, but we both had an interest in the babies’ life and that's all that mattered. All that the lady had were her children, cloths on her back, dishes and some mangoes. I made sure that her and her child got some nutritious food, because it was not only the baby that needed help. I felt like I was finally helping someone who was in need. I have always had a desire to help those in need and this mom fit the bill completely. Almost everyone began to know of the lady and the child I was helping, because I would visit her so regularly. I was beginning to feel like the babies mother as well.. I even started to call her my baby when I spoke of her to other people. I felt more connected to her since my name means the babies name, Grace. I have heard that some women here wait a while before getting attached to their child, because they know that their child may die early..I was already getting attached and it had only been two days..
       That day I was hopeful for her and her baby, because they were in a place where the baby had a chance at life. That night I was headed back to my place without a care in the world, then I got a knock on my door. That knock would change my whole night. Papa, one of the local kids, came to tell me that the woman was looking for me... because her baby died. My heart sunk down to the ground with a great thud, at the same time I was trying to hold back the tears trying to flood out. My mind flashed back to only an hour earlier. I was in the student missionary hut and I heard women whaling in the hospital. Automatically I got scared that my baby had died. Zach looked over to pediatrics, but did not see the women I was helping whaling with the other women. The weird thing is that someone kept on whaling for longer than usual..but now I understood that it was more than one person. That night three babies died in ped's within the same hour. Now flashing back to the present moment.. I got dressed and walked slowly over to the hospital, but inside I did not want to go. 
     We turned the corner of the pediatrics building, I looked through those outside sleeping peacefully for someone who looked familiar. The nurse on duty saw me then immediately ushered me over to the mother. She was sitting on the side of the bed with her face facing down towards her baby that was covered by her tattered cloth. How do you console a mother who just lost their child?? I walked over slowly and sat on the bed across from her. I reached out for her hand and grasped them tightly. Here it is custom that one holds the hands of the other person that is grieving for a little while, which symbolizes to me that you are giving condolences. As I held onto her hands she began to cry while murmuring things under her breath, this made me begin to cry. The tears could not seem to stop streaming down my face, because I had lost the baby I was fighting so hard to save. I kept looking at the cloth that was swaddling the lifeless baby. My heart broke as I thought of the pain that this mom must be feeling at this time, she has nothing and she lost one more thing. I did not want to let go of her hands, because I felt like I would be letting go of the baby as well. My heart had never felt so heavy as then..I felt like I lost my own child..After a while I gave her my condolences, told her that she must know she has to continue living for her other child and that she is a good mother. I wanted her to know that she did all that she knew to do and she must keep hope alive. We all sat their in silence for a long time while she repeatedly cried and reached out to touch her baby. Her son was lying on the bed sleeping not even knowing what was going on. He kept on accidentally kicking the baby, thus the mother would move his feet away fast, as though she was protecting her baby still. After what seemed like hours some of her family showed up and helped her to pack up the few things that she had with her. Her brother held the dead baby Grace in his arms, while everyone did everything else. We walked them out to the hospital gate and said our goodbyes. 
        I went back to my little space that I call home. As soon as I shut the door and let the tears come flooding down my face. I cried, cried, moaned, and cried some more. My heart was breaking into a million pieces at that moment. My heart broke from losing a baby that I started to think of as my own. I would have loved to see her grow up and go off to school one day, but now that would not happen. I truly understood at that moment how precious life is and how easily it can leave. In the midst of all of the pain I cried out to God "what do you want me to learn from this??!!" At that moment I became more determined to tell mothers about exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months, helping single mothers, and kids. After talking to my mother I finally went to sleep, but still with a heavy load hovering over my heart. 
     The next day was not much easier for me. I had to try to keep the tears from coming. When I saw Naomi I just could not contain them anymore. She told me that she knows that if she had lived that she would have been my little girl..that shattered my heart again because it was true. Even though Grace did not make it, she will be forever in my heart. Such a small baby can make a huge impact on ones life. I don't know what God wants for me to do next in my life, but I feel these small things show us our direction. I will try and find the women and see if I can continue to help her and her other child. Her other child needs special attention as well, since he is malnourished as well. She needs help because she does not seem to have much of anything, since her husband left her when she was two months pregnant. I am determined that I won't forget about this lady since her child is gone, but try to give her a ray of hope and show her God's love. The ways that I want to help them are making sure that they are seen by a doctor, so that they can get the medical help that they need. Also provide them with some food, so that they can make it till she can get money for more food. I want to help her start a business of her choice, to ensure that money is still coming in. These are the things that I have thought of thus far, but till then I will have to find where she lives. 

     This post is dedicated to all of the mothers that have ever lost a child. I do not truly understand the pain that you all feel, but I know that it must be great. This post goes out to all of the little Grace's out there who did not quite make it, but fought as best as they could. This post is also dedicated to those out there helping people in this situation, may you continue the great work that you are doing in people's lives. 

RIP Baby Grace 5/29/2014

~ Love with all of your heart ~

Barely living

Today I came face to face with life fighting to be. This woman came to find help for her baby. She knew her child was in bad condition. She knew she needed to get help. She knew help could be found at the hospital. I have seen some small babies but none that small. She was bundled up in a green cloth that was used as her protection and clothes. She did not smile, but held on for her life. She is only a month old, but her future doesn't look bright.
I have seen Tammy work with people aid their malnourished kids back to life, but never had I done it myself. But today was my day to do it. I was going with Naomi, our translater, to talk to the lady because I was curious. Soon I was giving advice and figuring out what to do. I only know part of her story, so when I find out the rest I will inform you all. She is from outside of a nearby town called Cacadé. She came alone, because she has no one else. Her father used to be the guard at the hospital. Her parents have died, she has a brother but he is probably of no help. She has another child, which she left alone because has no one to watch them. Her husband left her to aid for her self when she was two months pregnant. She has no one, but her self and her kids.
What do you say to a mother who has a severely malnourished baby "bad mother?" This wouldn't solve anything or help the child.I did only what I knew to do, I prayed for God to give us the words, because this is a precious life on our hands. The mother probably did what she knew not knowing that it wasn't aiding the baby. I decided to take a approach of not making her feel bad, but helping her see things in a different way. I explained the importance of exclusive breastfeeding, which means no water. I illustrated the benefits of colostrum and despite it looking bad it's the best thing for her child. I gave examples in nature to back up what I was saying, because she may have understood it better that way. I made sure to feed the mother since she herself was not healthy. She only ate mangoes the day before and today. How can a mother produce milk when they are undernourished their selves?
I sent her to the hospital to have the baby checked for sickness. The baby only weighs 1.5 kg. Her arms and legs are the size of my finger. Her head is smaller than the palm of my hand. She has no muscles or fat on her body.  Before she left I held her small frame in my arms. She was so small I was afraid I would break or hurt her. When you look into the eyes of a baby that small you wonder if the baby will live. You look at them while having a prayer on your heart for God to work a miracle. The lady went home so she could look after her other child. She said she will be back tomorrow for treatment of her baby. My prayer is that God makes my words bring life back to this baby, because the baby is barely hanging on. This was my first time counseling on this subject, but I felt like I was made to do this. Maybe this is going to be another one of my callings...
If you have any advice you would like to pass along to me I would love to hear it. I also need advice on how to help this lady, since she has nothing. I don't want to just give her a fish for today, but teach her how to fish for herself.
- Help those in need, because you may be all that a person has to make it -

I am baacckk!

It has been way too long since I have wrote anything on here. The time seemed to just speed by. During the fast few months I was busy with giving lectures in the community and continuing with trainings. I left for America for 2 1/2 weeks and returned the end of last month.
Things changed in many ways since I left. Now it is only Zach and I working with the project. The student missionaries left back home for school or waiting to get accepted. I have gotten closer to some of the people that live here. Lastly, we have a nutrition workshop coming up. This is a short summary of all that has happened. I will let you know more things later. It is good to be back and doing what I came here to do. Please continue to pray for Project 21 and me. There is a lot of work that still needs to be done....

Mannny Holidays

     I am soo behind on my blog, because I don't commit the time that I should. There are still things that I want to tell you all about that has happened in my life, because these were highlights of my time here. It will also help to show you how things are the same or different from where you live. The many holidays kept us busy for weeks upon weeks. The first big holiday was thanksgiving, all of the missionaries in Bendelay and Bere ate a big American thanksgiving meal together. All us young people ate so much that we couldn't move from our seat after we ate. We sat there half alive still trying to eat dessert. (You know I had to eat dessert still!). Thanksgiving seems to not be about giving thanks, but rather how much can you stuff your mouth. After eating people went back to their respective homes. It didn't feel like thanksgiving to me since we didn't all hang out afterwards, but rather felt like a big potluck. I was homesick after that, because thanksgiving to me is about spending time with people that you care about. That night the young people went over to hang out at Tammy and Jamies house to eat even more and play games. 

      For Christmas break we went on a big trip to the second largest city in Tchad, which is Mondou. About 18 people pilled into two different vehicles. I went with Dr. Denae in the Toyota SUV along with two kids, baby, and three other missionaries. After about an 1 1/2 hour ride we got to the BIG city. We went to Mondou to finish up Christmas shopping and for a fun excursion. Mondou has shops lined up on each side of the street with rows and rows of shops in the middle. People love to go there to shop because there is more of a variety of things that one can buy that may not be anywhere else. The main things that I went there to buy were cheese, coconut milk, and chocolate. It can be hard to find any of those things in smaller cities like Bere'. After shopping for hours Zach, Sara, and I ate at a local sandwich shop that many people rave about. I was delighted to eat an egg sandwich and drink an lemon smoothie. While sipping on my refreshing smoothie I felt like I was in another country for those few moments. 

     In celebration of Tomdiga, Correy and Brishell coming back for Christmas Naomi sent one of her goats over for us to eat. Tomdiga is a student in Cameroon working on his doctorate degree and he is only 19 years old. He is the brother of Vallerie, who is whose family that I eat with daily. Corey and Brishell are Jamie and Tammys kids that came home as a surprise for the holidays. Tammy was missing her kids so much, so Dr. Denae orchestrated for them to come home. The day after Christmas it was time for the big festivity of killing and eating the goat. I could not bare to be there when they killed the baby goat, because it seemed so wrong. But I did go watch them when they were skinning it. That was the first time that I ever saw a goat being skinned. We had a huge feast on the mats in the backyard. We had vegetarian l'osa, goat l'osa, rice, boulle, and pasta. At the feast were the Bere' boys that stay with the Parkers, Vallerie and his family, His sister Angel's kids, His brothers wife Debga and baby Arthur, Naomi and her 5 kids, Parkers and their kids, us 5 that work with Project 21, and two doctors that dropped by. The feast was abruptly interrupted because the Parkers and some others rushed to their land because it had caught on fire. They were able to stop the fire on their land, but it was continuing to burn other fields in the area. 

     The night before christmas we planned on staying up the whole night. We watched a Christmas movie than played outside the game sardines. What happens is one person hides and everyone tries to find that person. Once you find that person you stay with them till everyone is there as well. The first round Josh hide. We searched up and down the compound. I looked in trees, rooms, under cars, and in the shower, but I couldn't find him. After searching for over half an hour I noticed someone that was just with me disappeared, so I knew that he found Josh. Josh was hiding in one of the doctors car in the back seat. It took about an hour before everyone found him. Next Tomdiga went to go hide on the compound. It took a looong time before we found him because he was standing on the edge of the gate where bushes can hide him. After that I went to sleep because it was 3 AM. At 7am I unwillingly went to Dr. Olean and Denae's place for Christmas pancakes, because i was sleep deprived. They gave all of the student missionaries and volunteers a stocking with goodies and treats. My stocking was full of coal because apparently I had been bad that year. LOL. In the afternoon Project 21 volunteers did our gift exchange, I was happy to get a box of cheezits and perfume :). It is the small things in life that I have learned to truly appreciate since I have been here. 

     New years is a big holiday around here for people. Various churches have service throughout the night beforehand. People also cook a special meal which may entail goat or some other special meat for the day. Along with the food they make cock, which is fried dough that is hard like a cookie, but is shaped in various forms. On New Years day people go to family and neighbors houses from early in the morning to give or receive a gift. Some may start as early as 6 am to ensure that they get a gift. If someone sees you in the street they will say "Bonne Annee'" which means happy new year. When they say it to you it also means you are to give them a gift, which could be cocks, candy, or something else. You do not always have to give a gift, but the person may expect something if they are a child. That night we built a bond fire and roasted dough, hotdogs, and marshmallows. We laughed and talked around the fire throughout the night. It felt like we were camping out, but we were still in the compound. Some people slept outside for the rest of the night. The next day in celebration of New Years we decided that we were going to give out gifts to people. On Christmas we gave out gifts and people enjoyed it so much that they decided to do it again for New Years. The truck went out two times full of clothes, toys, candy, and soap. We drove out into the far villages where people are more poor and gave out the items. When we drove down the street we threw things out and yelled out Bonne Annee'. We couldn't stop to give it to everyone because if a lot of people are around they would rush to the vehicle and try to grab things. There were many people that were confused why people were yelling at them while throwing things out of the truck. There were also a lot of people that were yelling with happiness when they got something, even if it was something as simple as candy or soap. It really showed how many things people do not have and are in need. If we were doing this back in the States, not many people would be grateful for soap or a pair of socks. Here the smallest gift can light up someones day. It warmed my heart to know that we were able to give to people new clothes or other items that they may have been praying for awhile. :)

                                                   ~ Eat, Pray, Love, and Give ~  

~ Looking Past Apperances to the Heart ~

  I have heard people say over and over that the Bible comes to life here. Honestly, I can say that the previous statement is very true. Just walking down the streets one can wonder if this is how it looked in Jesus' time. When going to people's house one can think that this is probably how people mingled in the Bible. Another thing that reminds me of the Bible here are the diseases that people suffer from, which seem so foreign to me. A couple of weeks ago I meet a guy who fit the description of someone that reminded me of Bible times. 

     Tammy Parker is one of the missionaries that is working here with her husband. One of her ministries is to help people who do not have money for food, clothes, formula, or their hospital bill. Due to her talking about this guy that she meet here, someone donated money for him to get food and money. She did not know where he lived till recently, so she was not able to give him the things till now. Tammy invited some of us to go with her to give the man these items. 

  On the way over to the man's house many thoughts were circling through my mind…. Tammy had told us that he didn't have leprosy anymore, but what if he still has it. I said to God "I just got over being really sick for weeks, please don't let me get leprosy." Will I have to shake his hand? But then if I don't it will be rude. Then I thought of how God has all power, so can protect me from getting it…

     We arrived at his home and were greeted warmly by his family. Then came the moment I was dreading from before, shaking his hand. His hand for me meant that I may lose mine later, due to getting leprosy. Tammy and Naomi were the first to greet, then the rest of us shook his hand, which was missing the top of the fingers. We all sat down with him on mats that were already laid out on the ground. Tammy presented to him the things that she brought, which were a big bag of rice, soap, money, and possibly some other small items. 

     As Tammy was talking to him I was listening, but taking in the whole scene at the same time. In the Bible Jesus healed lepers, now I was sitting in front of one. He is probably older than 40 years old, lives with his wife and some of his kids, and is unemployed. His eyes are visible, but you cannot realize at first that he doesn't have the best eyesight. His body is very frail, skin is rough, only one hand fully has all fingers, he is missing the front part of each of his feet, and is only wearing a pair of torn up shorts. As i looked, or maybe I should say starred at him, I was investigating everything about him. Then it hit me, I should not be sitting here analyzing everything about him. I should not be treating him like a spectacle, but rather as a human being that wants to be heard not starred at. How many people did not want to shake his hand because he had leprosy? How many people just gawked at him rather than treating him like a regular person? I was no better than them. It reminded me how Jesus mingled with all types of people, not only those that were socially acceptable… 

     After I decided to stop starring I decided to start really listening. As his story unfolded I realized I was listening to someone with an amazing testimony. He has lived in Tchad for all of his life in the Bere area. About thirty years ago there was a war in Tchad, which took many lives. Many of his friends and family were killed by people that just came out of the bush and killed them. One time he was running away from them with his Bible under his arm. The bad men said that they would let him go since He had a Bible. (Isn't that amazing!! I am getting goose bumps thinking about it.) He doesn't remember when he became a leper, but it was a while ago. He used to be a minister before, but now he just ministers to those that will listen. A doctor who was from another country working in this area took it upon himself to help him out. The doctor gave him medicine that would stop his disease from progressing any further. He is human, so he wonders why did God allowed this disease to effect his life as it has. But, despite the disease he takes the time to talk to young people about God, His love, and how to live on the right path. Before we left he decided to give us a show. He started to move his arms and legs from side to side, while singing a song. He joked and said that there was a band playing with him as he sang.

     When we were about to leave we found out that his wife was very sick. Her stomach had been hurting for over a week and she was very frail and weak. Tammy offered to take her to the hospital to have a doctor find out what was wrong with her. To me it seemed that we were meant to go to his house at that time, because we were not only able to help him out, but also his wife. As she was leaving he called her over and gave her the money that he just received from Tammy, so that if she needed anything she would be ok. As we left his house I was no longer afraid to shake his hand. I was not shaking a lepers hand, but a man that loved God. He wore a big smile on his face, which hid all of the pain he lived in his life. I came to the point where I could see him as he was, not as he appeared. 

     Meeting that man is something that I wouldn't change, because it opened my eyes to different things. First, I am not to look at people on the outside, but what is within. It is easy to look at the outside of someone and get stuck on what we see. One should not be captivated by the individuals outside appearance, but be there for the person, truly listening, and treating them as if there was nothing different about them. Second, bad things happen to people no matter their status, income, or relationship with God. The thing that distinguishes people is how they respond to problems. We came to give this man gifts, but he was the one that gave us gifts. He gave us laughter, joy, friendship, and faith in God no matter what happens. Another thing that touched me about this visit was the love that was in his family. He was a leper for years, yet his wife stuck by his side. He is only able to beg when he has strength to go to the market, yet she hasn't left him. He is not able to walk like everyone else does, yet she choose to stay with him. It reminds me of something I read once, love is not a feeling but a choice. She choose to continue to stay by his side and love him through thick and thin. I also saw the love when he gave her the money that he just got. He could have been greedy and kept it for himself, but instead he was thinking of her before himself. (That is what I call love!)

     As we all interact with different types of people, let us be mindful of how we treat them. Let us take note when we are treating the person as though their disease defines them. Let us not treat the person differently based upon their past, nationality, income, race, religion, or sex. The world has a way of shutting away people who are not considered "normal", which is not how God wants us to be. We are to treat every single individual with love, respect, and as we would want to be treated. This profound thought just came to my mind as I am writing this: we are all equal in God's eyes, so what makes you think you can treat someone differently. (That is deep!!) When facing situations when you could react negatively, instead take sometime to place yourself into their shoes and view their world as they do. Doing this mere task could change the way you view people and the world around you. If I kept on treating the man as a leper rather than a human being, then I could have missed out on a blessing and an eye opening opportunity. How many more friendships could we have or created if we were to treat everyone with love and equality? 

~ Don't miss out on a blessing, because you did not take the time to show someone God's love! ~

      

~Stars fell on me~

   There are only a few people who may know that I love to star gaze. I could lay down and look at stars for hours if given an opportunity. This is something that I have enjoyed since I was a kid. I did not want to be an astronomer, but somebody that did something with stars (I didn't know what exactly). Stars are one of the reasons that I like not living in a big city. I knew that when I came here I would fall in love with the sky. There is something about looking into the night sky that relaxes me. The best time to look at stars is when there is not a flicker of light within yards. I live in Bere' where more than 98.5% of the people do not have electricity, which means perfect night skies. 

     The other night I decided to do something different than what I usually do. The place that I feel like I can get away and just think are on the swings on the far corner of the compound. I decided to combine both of my favorite things to do. I went to the swings where there was not another person in sight. I swung high to the deep black sky. It was as though I was getting closer to the stars. If I swung high enough I felt I could capture one of the twinkling stars. Being out there where no one could disturb me alone in the dark with only the stars felt freeing. Tchad has to be one of the top places to look at at the sky. The land is flat here like it is in Florida. Since it is so flat and there are  not a lot of people spaced close together one is able to see the whole landscape. I can see miles out and only have a few trees or homes blocking the way. The sky seems to be larger than life out here. It as though the sky stretches further out, so one can enjoy God's canvas better. With the sky being so humungous here, one can see so many more things in the sky. Being out here has made me understand why there is the song "twinkle twinkle little star." At night the stars appear to twinkle, sparkle, and dance around the night sky.

     What I also love about the open sky here are the sunsets. When the sun sets here it seems as though the whole sky is on fire from the sun. There are so many times that I have gone on walks "running" after the sun. I am trying to get that perfect African sunset picture captured. On many occasions I will see that there are clouds that are stretched across the sky painted in various colors. I go and grab my camera and run out of the compound towards the rice fields. Some people must wonder what is wrong with me since I go out just to take pictures of the sun. I walk down one rice field path till I cannot capture the sun anymore. Than another day I try to go further down that path or down a new one. It is just me, my camera, iPod, and the sun out in the open fields. Every once in a while I will meet someone along the path that will ask what I am doing out there. I explain in my broken French that I love the sun so I am taking photos.

 One day I will get that National Geographic photo that I am wishing to get…

     Another reason why I like being out under the sky is that it reminds me of God. When I am out in nature I feel like I am a step closer to God. It is as though God is walking and talking with me. To me nature declares that there is a God who created the world, because nature is so beautiful, detailed, and complicated. When the world around me seems to be overwhelming me than I go out to where I can be alone with my thoughts and God. Nature is not a place where everyone feels like they can get away from the busyness of life, but it is for me. If you have not found a place where you can just get away from it all than I challenge you to find it. It is healthy for us to be able to clear our minds of worries, challenges, and tasks to be able to just relax in solitude. Life has a way of robbing us of our peace at times, so go out and find a place where no one can take it from you. Where do you like to go to get away? 

Update-Can you help me find my way home?

            I wish that I could tell you all that I know that the Nigerian lady that I spoke about in my last blog is safe at home. I wish I could tell you that she has been reunited with her family. But I cannot say any of those things. The next day I was anxious to find out anything about the lady. I told Tammy about the lady since she works with people in the community all of the time and would know what to do. She agreed that we should go visit her that day. Hours ticked away and no one came to tell me that we were going to visit her in the hospital. Hours later I found out why we didn't go to the hospital. The lady left. It was said that after she got the cloth and food she left the hospital. She demanded to be let out of the hospital gate. Thoughts raced through my find in lighting speed. “Where did she go” “How can she be helped?” “Will she be able to get home?” “God please protect her and bring her home.” I felt sad because I would never know her story or if she made it back.

That was what I thought would be the end of the story.

            A few days later I found out that the lady was still in Bere’. One night after Zach and I were returning from where we eat dinner I saw something that looked like a body next to the compound wall. It looked like it could have been a person rolled up with a blanket on top. I dismissed the thought because we don't see people sleeping on the streets around here, so someone probably left their blanket on the ground. That form that we saw was her sleeping. We found out because Naomi, the translator that spoke with her saw her when she was going to the hospital grounds. Naomi did not speak with her at that time. When I heard this news I was happy but confused at the same time. It also made me wonder if everything was alright with the lady upstairs. I only say that because there were so many things in her story that didn't fit and the fact she just left the hospital. If the lady had stayed at the hospital she would have been taken care of. One of the doctors was doing to contact the Medical director of the county and inform him of the lady so that she could get on a bus back to Nigeria.

            That was weeks ago when there was even a mention of the lady. I don't know if she got back home. I was determined to help this lady get home. I even considered going on the bus with her if she needed someone. I can only hope she is safe in a place where she calls home. Is this the time when its not the thought that counts? My thoughts can’t get her home… But, I can only do as much as I am able to. I am grateful that I was at least able to meet her physical needs at the time. If that is the only part that I was to play in her journey home I am glad that God choose me…

Even though I don't know the end of the story please continue to pray for the lady. Pray for all of those who are missing around the world. Pray for those displaced from their homes because of war. 

~My Definition~

            Being a missionary is something that some people dream of doing one day, but may never get the chance to achieve. I have had the privilege of doing it for short and long term (1 year). Once again I am a missionary long term. Being a missionary can mean so many different things to people. One way that people view mission work is as only for those that are really into God and church aka Jesus freaks. They think that one has to be perfect in their walk in order to do this. Some other people see it as a great thing for other people to do, but not them. They merely think it's a great concept. They like how their lives are and do not want it to interrupted. Then there are others that think mission work as something that can be done by almost everyone. There are a lot of people who have the wrong idea about mission work. When people think of missionaries its of a person in a far away country like Africa. Wait that's me! LOL. But seriously, what comes to mind is going to another country. The thing is that mission work doesn't have to be in a desolate place where they don't have electricity. When Jesus made the great commission to go throughout the world preaching, teaching, and baptizing He meant the entire world. Therefore whatever country you are from is part of the world. Unless you’re from another planet then I can’t help you there. There are so many people in our own backyards or blocks that need to be witnessed to about what it means to be a Christian. There are so many people that just need someone to talk with that they can trust.

            Mission work should not be contained in a box, but rather be outside of it. Mission work is not only teaching Bible studies, feeding starving kids in India, or teaching English. Every person has a mission to do in this life. We are not to waste our lives by just thinking of ourselves only. Make your life on earth worthwhile. Go out of your way to talk to people who look like they need a friend. Don't just talk to them and then just keep on going, because than you might as well not have done it. Genuinely talk to them to find out who they are as a person. So often we are in too much of a hurry in first world countries to spend that extra time talking to people. We think we are living the good life, but we have robed ourselves of knowing people for who they truly are rather than appear to be. This is such a simple thing to do but it’s apart of mission work. Before trying to preach people into the Christian life, why not spend the time to become their friend. Jesus taught many times through His actions, which may be the only way to reach some people.  The old saying actions speak louder than words is as true as can be. Actions speak volumes to people who have been told so many lies.

            All in all mission work encompasses meeting peoples physical, social, and spiritual needs as much as we are capable of doing. Everyone was not given the same gifts also they can change with time. Whatever gift He has given you use it for His glory, whether that means being hospitable to people or singing. Use what He has given you wherever He wants you to. To me a missionary is not only one that goes overseas, but it can be in your own city. Do not get me wrong, God does call many to go overseas to do mission work, but it must be one called by Him. I say this because it is not something that is for everyone. For this time in my life what He has called me to do is be overseas, but I don't know where He will call me next. In my short life and walk with God I have found that the more flexible that you are the more that He can use you. Therefore open your heart to what He is calling you to do and allow Him to lead you along the journey. What is He calling you to do today?

-Wherever your placed in life make that your mission work. See where God is working and join Him.-