Burdened to serve

 

While growing up I read and heard stories of different people in history that did great things for their people and country. Some people fought hard for human rights, but never lived to see how much of an impact they really made. When I think of those people in history that were pioneers and fighters I wish that I could have marched alongside them. I wish I could have been one of the people in the crowd that marched to the sound of their words as they echoed into people’s hearts. I wish I could have been there when Martin Luther King did his famous dream speech. I wish I could have been there when Harriet Tubman brought people through the underground railroad. I wish I could have been at an event where Corrie Ten Boom gave her life story. I live in times where things are not as they used to be and it seems as though those prominent heroes are far in-between. But, is that really the case? Are there less people raising their voices against injustice? Are people being silenced from speaking up for those that are never heard or seen? Maybe there are people that are still doing it, but we just never realized. Living in Tchad has made me want to be one of those women marching in the streets declaring that women are people also. I have heard of people that are here fighting for the injustice of children and woman, while others are trying to silence them. I wanted to meet some of these women that fight against what society calls normal. 

I have had the privilege of meeting one of those dynamic women. I heard many great stories about Michelene Tchungli through word of mouth and the internet. After I heard so much about her I knew that I had to meet this lady. Upon meeting her I was honored just to be able to sit in her home and speak with her. She has a very humble and gentle spirit that transpires through her eyes. She is the person that will always greet you on the street and invite you in if you have nothing to eat. She is the one who works hard to provide for her family and many other children who are not even her own. She is a woman that has rose from the ashes of despair to the mountain of victory. She has come so far, but she is still reaching for the highest mountain top.  Michelene lives in a city fifteen minutes away called Laï. She has been the director for the rehabilitation center for children for over a decade. She lives in a comfortable home with her kids and orphans that she has accepted as her own along the way. If you had met her more than fifteen years ago you would have seen her in a totally different state. She was married to a man that decided that he wanted her for his own, so he had his friends capture her for himself. When she was sick for over 6 months he just ignored her and took away for things. She was having one child after the next and running to the safety of her parents home in between her second and third child. One day you may have seen her lying down beaten and left to die in the streets by the same man who claimed to be her husband. If it weren’t for some neighbors who rescued her from the streets and provided nutrients for her till she awoke, she might not be here today. After fighting so hard for the injustice her husband brought upon her she was finally able to get divorced from him. He took all that was hers and left her to defend for herself. One of the priests at the local Catholic Church heard of how much she helped woman in the area, so he requested for her to get training to work with the handicapped children. Ever since that day she has worked at the Talità Kum Center in Laï. The center helps those who have polio or are handicapped for other reasons. There are some girls that are there because they were so badly raped that they are unable to walk normal anymore. The center teaches them how to become more independent, cook, crochet, garden, and sew clothing. On the weekend they take the items that they made and sell them at the local market. The center is also a safe haven for these kids because they live there till they are old enough to go out on their own. The children attend classes in the daytime at a local school and have trainings at the center in the evening. At this time there are about fifteen boys and girls that are living there in dorm style rooms. Michelene has a rice field that she works in all summer in order to get earn extra money from the rice she sells to pay for the children to go to school and their hospital bills. She also helps people in the community that need medicine or hospital bills to be paid.

 Helping the elderly, women, and children is the burden that she feels that she needs to fill. She speaks out on the radio regularly about the rights of these undermined populations. In the past she organized a march for girls that were raped and needed justice. At times she will call the police to arrest a man that has abused a girl. When I speak with her I am in just complete awe in all of the things that she does. She is always willing to give all that she has because she knows that God will provide for her tomorrow. If I could be just half of the woman that she is then I know that I have done a lot for society. Meeting people like her creates a fire within to surge and thirst to go out and create a movement or change in people’s lives. I don’t want to be just another person that looks at others to be the leaders, but I would rather be the one in the front leading the way. I don't know what activism I will lead one day, whether it be woman’s rights, trafficking, abuse, or poverty, but I know one day I will be out there with people like Michelene. We don’t have to wait for a big march to occur, we can look around our neighborhoods for people that need care. We can volunteer at a center or help at a foster care. There are many voices crying out for love, attention, and care and we can be the very answer to their cries. 

Michelene is someone that I have given a couple of small donations to in the past to help with the work that she is doing. I would love to help her even more, but that requires help from people like you. I want to give her money to help with school fees, hospital bills, and whatever things she finds necessary. If you are interested in helping with a few to possibly hundreds of dollars please don’t hesitate to donate through my Paypal. If you want money to go to the center specifically then indicate that with your transaction. Anything can help and will make a difference. 

 

“What God gives me in my mind to think of to do for people, I will do.”

Michelene Tchungli

Never forgotten

Living in a different country is always exciting within itself. The new air, tastes, sights, sounds,  and unique things within your grasp. All of your senses are exposed to a new experience. I have not seen even a quarter of the world, but I have still gotten around. So far I have been to South Korea, Thailand, China, Jamaica, Honduras, Costa Rica, Mexico, and Chad. Every place has given me unique adventures and memories that I will carry with me forever.
A couple of Thursday evenings ago, I had one of those epic moments that aren't the biggest deal, but still leave a touch in your memory. If I were to be direct and not whatsoever poetic I would say that I went to a different village, helped with mobile clinic, ate dinner there then came back home. By saying it that way it gives no justice to what I truly experienced. Many times people want to just get down to the meat of a story, but to me the small details are what make the experience real to the other person. Sooo I will have to give you the details of my impressionable day.
That day started like many days, me waking up to see that I accidently fell asleep for longer than normal..oh maybe those aren't the details you care about ,let me skip to the more interesting part. In the afternoon we left to go to a nearby village with four nurses, one doctor, two medical students, two project 21 workers, and two translators..we squished most into the suv and the rest went by moto. After riding quite close squished between two people on a moto, we finally ended our bumpy route. We set up shop after being greeted by eager kids that were waiting for our arrival. Kids were instructed to go into one line to get their health checked and receive a pill for worms. The adults and pregnant women were asked to go into other lines. Young, newborns, grandparents, and all between came to get their health checked for free.
It was amazing to see a baby move around in a mothers belly, which we watched on a small portable synogram the size of an Ipad. The mothers would look at the screen and smile from being able to see such a miraculous wonder.
More than halfway into the day one of the nurses, who is a missionary here, was asked to asses a woman who delivered a baby that morning. The husband walked briskly in front of us, guiding us down the different dirt paths that led to his small compound. As we walked up to the round, mud brick hut that she was in, I felt like I was stepping into one of those documentaries that you see on TV where you are deep in the bush of Africa, but in reality I wasn't. She was laying down on a straw woven mat placed on top of bricks. You could see the fatigue that was behind her weak eyes. She handed over her new God given baby boy over to Kim. The boy was chunky and seemed to be completely fine. Kim and Naomi massaged her stomach to see if there were signs that her uterus wasn't contracting. Kim also made sure she wasn't hemorraging. After consulting the mother on exculsive breastfeeding and what to do if the pain didn't subside, we walked back to the clinic.
I took pictures of the surrounding area and kids periodically. The kids loved to gather around and look at their faces on the screen. Soon they began to ask if I would take another and another photo. They would point at the photo saying that's me, that's me.. Having a camera around kids here brings such joy to their day. Later on I was talking to a nurse that is just visiting for three weeks, she found a little girl to hold. The girl extended out her little arm signaling that she wanted me to hold her. As I held her in my arms I noticed that she became more and more relaxed. Soon she was fast asleep resting her head on my arm. I sat on a mat while rocking her off to deep sleep. To hold a small child in your arms as they relax into sleep is one of the most touching things about kids. For me, it is as though the child is saying that they trust you and find you comforting as well.
We stayed out in the village longer than expected, thus I was ready to head back and get some food in my stomach. The pastor informed us that they were in the midst of preparing food for us. What a pleasant surprise! I have experienced many times when we go out into the different villages, that they put it upon themselves to prepare us tea or dinner. These acts of kindness warms my heart, because they go out of their way to show their kindness when they truly do not need to. Zach, Miki, and I waited under the stars for the food to be finished, while the rest of the crew had to head back home. We ate our famous Chadian dish of boulle with sauce. (Boulle is rice that has been pounded down into flour then boiled. Afterwards it is placed into a bowl, which gives it it's shape). We ate as much as we possibly could then mounted the bike heading back to Bere. I sat in the middle again, but this time I was more willing because the night air was already chilly. We bounced up and down the dirt road, while shivering and wishing we had brought jackets. After riding along the sandy path through the rice fields we approached our destination of the hospital compound.
Though not much happened that day, it is the small things that I will remember. There are not many times I will probably experience going to do a mobile clinic, assessing a woman after delivered in her hut, or riding under the stars on a moto with three passengers. Since I won't always have these days, I will have to cherish them. People say to live each day in the present and enjoy it, instead of rushing for tomorrow. Those moments as simple as a kid reaching for your hand, seeing a magnificent sunset, swimming in a river, or giving something to someone in need are ones we are to hold onto. We should also go out and try to make memories, instead of living a mundane life. Life is to be lived, it doesn't need to be in a foreign country, it could be just down the street. Life is what you make of it, so take a walk through the woods, sleep under the stars, learn a new hobby, teach a kid a game, or simply sit by the beach. Whatever you choose to do, just take the time to live in the moment.

~ Cherish those moments that tug at your heart. Make memories for others as you make them for yourself. ~

Bon Année!!

Happy New Year! Another year has fallen upon us. Another year has slipped into the back of our memories. These can be memories of joyous occassions, laughter, triumph, trials, and/or growth. Whatever your past year may have looked like doesn't matter as much now. We are in a new year, with experiences for us to capture. This past year for me was full of ups, downs, laughter, tears, trials, sickness, connectedness, lonliness, growth, and rolling backwards. I have learned a lot this past year about myself, people, and God. Though I had trials and down times, these were the times I saw God's face. When I felt all alone amongst others, I knew God was there and my true friend. When I had no one to reach out to, He streched His arms to hold me and carry me through. When I wasn't sure how a task would come about, He brought it to be even better than I imagined. When my body grew tired from sickness, He showed me his healing power. When I thought I couldn't go on, He gave me His strength. When I wasn't sure what to do, He opened my eyes to a new way. This past year for me has been God. God has been there every step and turn I took this past year. It is good to just sit back in solitude and think of what occured in the past year and how much you overcame.

This past year for Project 21 involved many leaps of joy. Our project doesn't always seem to get recognized, but that all changed. Loma Linda School of Public Health decided that they wanted to be apart of the movements of Project 21. They said that they want to provide us with a stipend, practicum student, and other resources. We weren't sure what would happen next, so this was a pleasent surprise. Accompanied with this new change was us being heads over the nutrition center for malnourished kids. This past summer we helped out with the program by giving lectures and making a weeks supply of fattening milk based supplement. Working with the mothers and kids was such a rewarding time for me, so I was eager to be able to work with such a great intiative again.

Another change in our program was us expanding our borders to other villages. We finished giving lectures to all 21 quartiers (communities) in Bere earlier in the year, but we couldn't possibly stop there. We began to go to the villages that are oulining Bere, but still within in county. We have not finished this task, but are just barely begining since we want to reach 22 villages in all. The people in other villages are further from the hospital and may not have a clinic nearby. They are more likely to wait longer to get help and may not have as much knowledge about the danger of certain things. I love going out to these villages, because I feel like they need to hear our lectures the most. Too often there are people from far away villages that wait till the last minute to seek care and it ends up being too late.

Not everything that I do is related to Project 21. This past year I started to help out a couple of people here and there. The main person who helps people in need, Tammy, was gone on vacation, but that didn't mean that helping people would have to end. You all know I helped a mother and baby earlier in the year, but her baby still ended up dying. I tried to help her more with her other child, but she was afraid that her other child would die also. I haven't seen her since the day she refused to get care for her malaria, edemic, fatigued boy... Later in the year, I meet this lady named Naomi, because she was seeking for help from Tammy. Naomi is blind and mostly death, thus a little girl leads her around with a cane. I would give her food and soap until she came back the next month. I got money from a friend that I could use toward whatever, so I designated some for people I help. I gave Naomi a large sack of charcoal and some money that she would use to start a business. I also did the same for a grandma I know that is poor and lost the grandboy she was raising. Her house fell down due to the heavy rains from the summer, so she lives in neighbors house. Just seeing the joy in their eyes, hearing their thankfulness, and knowing this would make a difference to them made it all worth it.
One other thing that I did this past year was raise money for kids needing help to pay tuition and uniforms at the local SDA school. I decided to just announce the need of assistance on FB, but never thought that it would get much attention. As always, God exceeds your expectations. I expected to raise a couple hundred dollars..that would help some kids. But instead I raised $1,500!! That was enough to pay for all 31 needy students to go to school, plus give some of them uniforms and supplies. The willingness of others truly touched my heart. The last thing that I got myself involved into was writing a book. I felt impressed to make a photo coffee book and/or book on the stories of women from Chad that have overcome. Thus far, I only got to interview one person, Michelene. She lives in nearby city where she is a voice for women, orphans, and handicapped girls. I plan on meeting other women who share her passion for making Chad a better place for women.

As you can see there have been a lot of different things that have happened in my life this past year. I only gave you a glance into all that I was involed in, because there is too much to say. I am eager to see what all God has planned for me this year. I am now back In Chad, getting back into the swing of things. There are still many things that I would like to accomplish with the project or individually. As this year continues on please keep all of my plans and visions in prayer. I want this to not be a year of regrets, but a year of going beyond my wildest dreams. Will you come on this journey with me??
~ Look towards the future with hope, faith, and love ~

Am I Jonah??

      As I get older, I notice that time seems to go by faster and faster. There are even times when I have to rethink how old I am. Where has all of the time gone? I now understand why people say appreciate every day, because it flies by quicker than you can imagine. As I think about time, I think of where I was last year. Last year I was deciding where I would be going to serve for a year. I was given the opportunity to get one of three spots for the Global Service Award through Loma Linda University. I was overjoyed, but anxious at the same time. I said that I wanted to go wherever God wanted me to go, but my heart wasn't on the same page. As usual, I had different plans than what God had for me. I saw myself living in a tropical like area serving people with some ease...God had a COMPLETELY different view. God kept on bringing people or things in my life that were connected with Chad. I was thinking it was a test of my faith, but surellly He wouldn't send me there. After much fighting and avoiding I could no longer run from God. It just hit me, I am a modern day Jonah. So many times we bash Jonah for running from God, who is everywhere. How could Jonah not do what God said? How could Jonah think he wouldn't be found? These are the questions that we raise...Well I am no better than Jonah. I didn't jump on a boat and then have to jump into a belly of a whale, but that might as well had been the scenario. 

      The time that I jumped out of the boat into the whale's belly was on a Friday night. I was in my apartment trying to star glaze past bright Loma Linda street lights, while listening to the music play in the background. I thought of what it would be like to fly through the heavens, just me and God. It was a beautiful moment, that brought tears to my eyes. I opened my eyes, looked up towards the stars and had a moment with God. I declared " I give up! I won't run anymore!" I decided than, that I was waving my white flag of surrendering totally to God. I was not going to run away from Him, but straight into His arms. I gave my life back over to Him, that meant I released to Him my plans, hopes, dreams, fears, life, and gifts. I read that night an insert that I wrote earlier in my God journal. I wrote about my mission trip to Honduras and said "may my mission be your mission." I realized then that our missions were not aligned. I was heading on a ship in the opposite direction of where God wanted me to go. After many other events I pressed for the people to send me to Chad. I was hit with opposition, but I was determined to go there, because that was where He wanted me to go. There were doors that seemed shut, but God opened every last one and blessed me over and over. 

     Then the day of reality had to come. I was leaving comfortable America to live in a foreign country for one year. This meant letting go of all that I knew and totally depending on God. I was stepping into an unknown place. September 12th I boarded the last plane that would bring me to Africa. That was the day that God spit me out of the whale onto dry land. As I sat on the plane I said to myself "well there is no turing back now." I wasn't heading to a city to tell them to turn from their wicked ways like Jonah did, but I was going to face the same things in another way. I did understand why God choose little 'ol me to go, but I had to trust He knew what He was doing.

  On the way to Ethiopia

    I told you in my last post that this past September marked my one year service in Chad. Did I regret going? Did I wish I took a different path? Did I want to go back home then? ...No. I was in the place that God wanted me to be and it was just right. No, thinks were not perfect. No, I wasn't on easy street. No, I did not ever think of going home. Being in the right place doesn't mean that it is all daises, it just means that there is no better place to be going through those good and bad times. Every day that was a hard day, I could only say to God that I knew that He wanted me there for whatever reason. I came home briefly in April to visit family and friends. During that time it felt good to be back in the states, because I missed being connected to those I love. What lingered at the back of my mind was if I was done with Chad or not. When I returned back to Chad I talked to a couple that work at another hospital. The wife asked me three simple questions, which made me discover my next step. When I finally opened up fully to hear God's plan for me, He informed me that He told me before through her questions. I felt weird for wanting to stay in a place that doesn't have a easy way of life, but much harder than other places. I could move back to the States and be able to see and talk with family, eat variety of fruits, veggies and cheese, drive a car, not worry about diseases, not hear death cries.....but I wanted to be where God wanted me to be. I have come to learn that the best place to be is where God wants me to be. After much conviction, I decided to extend my contract till May of 2015. 

    I sit at home right now, in slightly sunny Florida. I am on a short month break from work to rejuvenate and fatten up. It is good to be back with loved ones and have good ol' home cooking. As I type I can't believe that it has been a year and 3 months since I stepped onto that plane that would change my life. It was just a few months ago when I was telling you these same things..I thought last year that this time would not come quick enough...haha was I ever wrong. The time has flown by quicker than I could ever imagine. I have till May, but I already know my time will fly by faster than ever.

 

 My Chadian family

 Just joking around

    Back to my Jonah experience.....After Jonah spoke God's word to the people, it was up to them to accept it and change from their ways. The whole place was transformed and gave their lives over to God. I do not have the same exact mission as Jonah, but I do have a mission. I hope that my words on health can help people to see how simple changes can save their lives and children's. I hope that people are able to see God's love and care through interacting with me or just seeing how I treat others. I hope that people are changed physically, mentally, and spiritually, because of the words that God places on my lips. I hope that my time in Chad is not a waste, but rather it reaches God's plans for my time there. Please keep my mission and journey in your prayers. If you are standing in a position right now where you are deciding what to do in life, please do not run like Jonah, but let Him call the shots. Letting Him call the shots has been the best decision in my life. God will call us to places that others would not dare to go to, but that's why He calls the special ones. He calls the ones that will do the work that He has for them. I live by this saying and found it to be true, "God does not call the equipped, but equips the called." What is God calling you to do? What is He calling you to surrender? Open your heart to what plans He has for your life...He will take care of the minor details. 

~Let go of fear and control. Take a hold of God's hand, wherever it may lead you.~

There is a time for everything

Lately I have been looking at the calendar a lot. I count the months, then the days... as Naomi says " time waits for no-one." I left in April for a small vacation...that was four months ago. On September 12th I arrived in N'djamena, that was almost a year ago. Before I came here, honestly I was afraid. I was afraid of time. Tick tock tick tock. I thought time was going to go by so slow and I wouldn't know what to do with it. I was afraid that I would not like it here, therefore I would be counting down the months and days till my departure. It's almost a year from when I landed and I feels like less than that.
      Since coming here I got really into my job. I am always learning and there is always something new.We always have to think of the future, so there isn't much time to waste. My job is flexible, unique, and open to many directions, so things are always shifting. There are always new places to see or time to revisit places. We started to do lectures out in the nearby villages. They are much smaller than were I live and face more health issues. This has given us another view of living not as close to the hospital and having limited education. We went to N'Djamena last month for a small vacation. After being here in a small village, the capital looked big and full of life. I could tell the difference from the people here, village, and big city. You also the differences in what people value, have, and characteristics. These places help open my eyes, rather then keeping my sight small with my own ideas.
   There is always time to meet someone new. Here each day I meet someone new that I pass on the road or spend time talking with. You will always meet someone who will make you want to smile or shed a tear. There are always kids that grin ear to ear, while extending their hand to say "lapia" , which means hello in the local language. Some little ones stare in amazement, while others run away in total fear like your going to kill them. Then you meet those mother's that walked for 23 kilometers to seek help for their malnourished or dying child. You see how much they will do for their kids.
  There are always times to learn something new. I live in a region where people speak French, Nangerie, or local Arabic. This means that there are a mixture of new words to learn always. On top of this you learn a lot from the people about their customs. Here, after a woman has a baby you are to make her bouille, which is rice porridge. You also bring them a bar soap. Another thing I have learned from working with the women, is that there are many who believe the first breast milk (colostrum) is bad for the baby. They think it's bad because of the yellowish tint. Therefore they express it all out and give the hind milk only. One thing I tell the moms is that it's actually the best thing for the baby to have, they should think of it as gold for the baby.
   There is a time to cry and a time to laugh. A few weeks ago I found out two babies that were in the baby milk program died. One of the babies grandmother and I became like friends. Whenever we would see one another we would greet with a lot of Lapeias, hellos, to one another. She would make some joke and we would laugh. The mother of the baby died so she was all he had. She told us one time that she fell into the fire while trying to cook for him. She is probably in her 60's or 70's. She walks with a slight arch to her back, uses a stick for walking, and straps him on her back by tying a cloth around her. The week before he died she came to visit just to say hi to us all. The boy had the same demeanor of being scared of everyone, but this time he could walk away. One can see why my heart was not happy after hearing about his death. Laughter for us comes daily from dancing with the kids, tickling a random kid on the street, or laughing at someone's jokes.
There is also a time for life. Tonight I was able to witness the birth of Tchoeka and Valerie's baby boy. I rushed to the hospital when Naomi told me he was ready to come out. In less than an hour the baby was coming out screaming with his strong lungs. To see a life that was developing inside of a woman is so precious and a miracle.
  Throughout my time here so far I have learned time passes fast, but you have to seize the moments and learn all you can. My journey here continues with a new adventure daily. I am almost to my year mark with no regrets of hoping on the plane to come here. I only regret not doing more things. While the clock continues to tick, I will continue to enjoy the time I have left....

~ Time will never wait for you, so enjoy each moment rather than living with regrets time wasted ~

Breaking Out

  There are many days were things go as normal here, especially on sabbath. We go to church, experience another level of hot, have potluck, then sit around talking. But a couple of Sabbaths ago was a little different. There is a new family that moved here from North Carolina the Wednesday before. The husband had been here twice, but not the rest of the family. Thus everything was new, interesting, and yet scary for them. Dr. Deane wanted to make this first weekend enjoyable for them, so she organized a treasure hunt. We were split into three groups, which represented people from here, Bendelay, and Mondou. The challenge was to take pictures of the items on the list and be in the photo as well. We were given an hour to complete it and the one who accomplished the most won. The teams went scurrying off of the compound.
 
The challenge got us all out there in the real world past the compounds walls. It got us out there were people live and interact daily. We looked like a bunch of crazy foreigners taking pictures of things that were apart of their everyday life. Everyone was looking at us side eyed, but we didn't care. In order to win all shyness had to be thrown out the window. Some of the things that were had to do were: take a photo with a baby goat, old man, carrying child on back, kids doing head stand, and people dancing.

What I enjoyed about it was the silliness of it all, which united us. We were running after animals, asking someone to write Arabic, and trying to get a group of scarred kids to do head stands. We were just having fun. Even though it was a simple game, it got me thinking about some things. I think this game was good for those who hardly leave the walls of the compound. It's easy for us to stay in our safe bubbles away from others, while still being among them. It's easy to get busy living our own lives, while passing others along the way. It's easy to forget about the bigger picture in life, which includes other people. We have to take those challenges in life that make us step out on a limb and do something different. We have to get out of our bubbles and see those around us crying for help or who just want a hug. We have to befriend the friendless, orphans, and elderly. There are many times when I would rather stay complacent and be in my corner, but when I step out of it I can see a world that's bigger than my corner. It makes me realize that the world isn't as scary as I thought. Also life isn't all about me, but meeting the needs of others. As I spend the rest of my time here, I will have to make this a challenge for me. We weren't made to live on an island alone, so get out there with everyone in the real world.

~ Break your bubble in order to reach people where they are ~

Grace - "a divinely given blessing"

     Last that I told you all is that I was helping a lady with her child. I told her that I would help her since she did not have money. It is not always easy knowing if someone is telling the truth about their situation, but sometimes you just know. She is small framed, clothes a little tattered, and only ate mangoes for two days, all these things showed me she was in need. She came to our compound looking for someone to help her child since her baby was so small for her age. She did not spend the night in the hospital that night, because her other child was at home alone. I was praying for her and her children all night hoping that she would come back the next day, because her baby was knocking on deaths door. I was very relieved when I heard that the lady came back the next day. She promised us that she would listen to all we told her to do to help her baby, which was the stipulation for me helping her. I wanted her to see that it was very important that we work together, because that was the only way that baby could be truly helped.
       She came to the hospital carrying one large bundle on her head, which contained dishes for cooking and a couple mangoes. She wore the same clothes and green flower patterned cloth that she had worn the day before. She brought her son with her this time, which is probably only 2 years old. He has a moon shaped face, large protruding belly and seemed to be weak <-- All of these things declared that he was malnourished as well. My heart broke when I saw him barely walking to his mother with only a little strength. I wondered how that young child was able to stay home all alone the day before. The nurses gave the mother and child a bed in the hospital and hooked the baby up to glucose IV's. 
     Throughout the day I would check up on the baby and mother to see that all things were well. We do not speak the same language, but we both had an interest in the babies’ life and that's all that mattered. All that the lady had were her children, cloths on her back, dishes and some mangoes. I made sure that her and her child got some nutritious food, because it was not only the baby that needed help. I felt like I was finally helping someone who was in need. I have always had a desire to help those in need and this mom fit the bill completely. Almost everyone began to know of the lady and the child I was helping, because I would visit her so regularly. I was beginning to feel like the babies mother as well.. I even started to call her my baby when I spoke of her to other people. I felt more connected to her since my name means the babies name, Grace. I have heard that some women here wait a while before getting attached to their child, because they know that their child may die early..I was already getting attached and it had only been two days..
       That day I was hopeful for her and her baby, because they were in a place where the baby had a chance at life. That night I was headed back to my place without a care in the world, then I got a knock on my door. That knock would change my whole night. Papa, one of the local kids, came to tell me that the woman was looking for me... because her baby died. My heart sunk down to the ground with a great thud, at the same time I was trying to hold back the tears trying to flood out. My mind flashed back to only an hour earlier. I was in the student missionary hut and I heard women whaling in the hospital. Automatically I got scared that my baby had died. Zach looked over to pediatrics, but did not see the women I was helping whaling with the other women. The weird thing is that someone kept on whaling for longer than usual..but now I understood that it was more than one person. That night three babies died in ped's within the same hour. Now flashing back to the present moment.. I got dressed and walked slowly over to the hospital, but inside I did not want to go. 
     We turned the corner of the pediatrics building, I looked through those outside sleeping peacefully for someone who looked familiar. The nurse on duty saw me then immediately ushered me over to the mother. She was sitting on the side of the bed with her face facing down towards her baby that was covered by her tattered cloth. How do you console a mother who just lost their child?? I walked over slowly and sat on the bed across from her. I reached out for her hand and grasped them tightly. Here it is custom that one holds the hands of the other person that is grieving for a little while, which symbolizes to me that you are giving condolences. As I held onto her hands she began to cry while murmuring things under her breath, this made me begin to cry. The tears could not seem to stop streaming down my face, because I had lost the baby I was fighting so hard to save. I kept looking at the cloth that was swaddling the lifeless baby. My heart broke as I thought of the pain that this mom must be feeling at this time, she has nothing and she lost one more thing. I did not want to let go of her hands, because I felt like I would be letting go of the baby as well. My heart had never felt so heavy as then..I felt like I lost my own child..After a while I gave her my condolences, told her that she must know she has to continue living for her other child and that she is a good mother. I wanted her to know that she did all that she knew to do and she must keep hope alive. We all sat their in silence for a long time while she repeatedly cried and reached out to touch her baby. Her son was lying on the bed sleeping not even knowing what was going on. He kept on accidentally kicking the baby, thus the mother would move his feet away fast, as though she was protecting her baby still. After what seemed like hours some of her family showed up and helped her to pack up the few things that she had with her. Her brother held the dead baby Grace in his arms, while everyone did everything else. We walked them out to the hospital gate and said our goodbyes. 
        I went back to my little space that I call home. As soon as I shut the door and let the tears come flooding down my face. I cried, cried, moaned, and cried some more. My heart was breaking into a million pieces at that moment. My heart broke from losing a baby that I started to think of as my own. I would have loved to see her grow up and go off to school one day, but now that would not happen. I truly understood at that moment how precious life is and how easily it can leave. In the midst of all of the pain I cried out to God "what do you want me to learn from this??!!" At that moment I became more determined to tell mothers about exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months, helping single mothers, and kids. After talking to my mother I finally went to sleep, but still with a heavy load hovering over my heart. 
     The next day was not much easier for me. I had to try to keep the tears from coming. When I saw Naomi I just could not contain them anymore. She told me that she knows that if she had lived that she would have been my little girl..that shattered my heart again because it was true. Even though Grace did not make it, she will be forever in my heart. Such a small baby can make a huge impact on ones life. I don't know what God wants for me to do next in my life, but I feel these small things show us our direction. I will try and find the women and see if I can continue to help her and her other child. Her other child needs special attention as well, since he is malnourished as well. She needs help because she does not seem to have much of anything, since her husband left her when she was two months pregnant. I am determined that I won't forget about this lady since her child is gone, but try to give her a ray of hope and show her God's love. The ways that I want to help them are making sure that they are seen by a doctor, so that they can get the medical help that they need. Also provide them with some food, so that they can make it till she can get money for more food. I want to help her start a business of her choice, to ensure that money is still coming in. These are the things that I have thought of thus far, but till then I will have to find where she lives. 

     This post is dedicated to all of the mothers that have ever lost a child. I do not truly understand the pain that you all feel, but I know that it must be great. This post goes out to all of the little Grace's out there who did not quite make it, but fought as best as they could. This post is also dedicated to those out there helping people in this situation, may you continue the great work that you are doing in people's lives. 

RIP Baby Grace 5/29/2014

~ Love with all of your heart ~